| Wow, it has been much too long. I said I'd never return but here I am...journaling. Something about pouring out and having anonymous readers merely glance at my monologue is so satisfying. haha. Over time, I am realizing how fragile a woman's heart is. The shortest encounter can set her off course and trash the confidence she spent her entire life building up. Then she spends many years hardened, finding it difficult to truly open up her heart. Funny how the next disaster doesn't feel so bad. Lord, this heart of flesh you have given me, blessed me with...am I callousing it once more?
You have called me to be your child, your lover. You have promised to preserve my heart and my spirit and yet i stray. I fall weak and confused. I can feel the water in my cup slowly evaporate. The blessings from the past 2 years remain, however my negligence and abuse is causing dryness. Lord, I desire to be wet. Filled with life and a spirit burning with fire. |
| |
| Life is good...actually life is Great!  i feel refreshed, and i am excited!
1. I'm excited for the remaining adventures and Corvey friendships.
2. I'm excited to meet new people and experience PSU.
3. I'm excited to see my bebe's again and spend some good time with them.
4. I'm excited about summer clothes to match the beautiful weather! yeah baby 
5. And I am excited about my new place. Living with my sister will bring many new challenges, but all is well because years from now, we'll look back and laugh at all the dumb things we fought over and thank each other for the great lessons learned.
6. Above all, I'm excited to find myself again and mature as a strong and secure woman.
Lesson learned: Pursue friends unconditionally. Don't wait, pursue.
|
| |
| Molly keeps pooing all over the house. At first I would yell at her and push her nose into her poo after she had already done it, but i realized it wasn't working. I guess even for dogs, positive reinforcement is more effective than negative. We'll see how this new method works out.
the sun has been shining and i've been happy. I love the sun. I love summer clothes. I love keeping my window open to feel the cool (not cold) breeze coming through. i love it i love it i love it. can i say it again? i love it 
goal for the week: to get a couple shades darker. no more of this pale/yellow crap going on.
|
| |
| Wow...it's been so long. how are you all doing? the past 2 years have been quite adventurous for me. I've come to better understand my weaknesses and limitations, therefore learning how to use my strengths to their full potential as well. Actually, haha, I dunno how to use my strengths properly yet, I just have an idea as to what it could be like, but I'm taking it step by step. Life has been teaching me that I am stronger than you can imagine, almost making me seem heartless at times, but I am also more fragile and delicate than you could ever imagine.
So with all I have recognized, what do I do now? I've been pushed to my limit. Limit, meaning the point to which I cannot take anymore pressure to change without time to absorb it all into my skin. I love what I've been taught, and I wish that i could absorb everything like a sponge in an instant, but things just don't seem to work that way.
I've always had difficulty committing my emotions to anyone. I dont think loyalty is the issue, it's just that I dont know how to be Loved or how to fully Love. It's a problem that I hate. It's a concept that I do not recognize. I'm coming to understand that more and more. For that reason I got a puppy haha. Maybe by keeping her by my side, i'll learn to care for her and truly love her. God's gotta make some miracles happen here. Once I allow God to teach me what Love truly is, I'll be able to love back, and that blessing will overflow onto others. Then, I will be ready.
|
| |
| aww~ i love you guys
go map so ee dah~
|
| |
